The A-Z of Parenting

A. Animals. When you become a parent, it is essential to have those animal noises learnt and perfected because when you're child does the inevitable lets touch my poop move during a change, you need something pretty impressive to distract them. I once stumbled, attempted a giraffe noise and faltered then failed miserably. However, if you do well, you will feel proud when your child learns the noises themselves. That's right, my one year old can snort, of course I have Peppa to thank too. 

B. Bottles/ Boobs. The choice is yours, really it is. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. I carried around guilt for 2 years of my first baby's life because I was unfortunate and could not breast feed, I couldn't with my youngest either but now they are both happy and healthy and seem no different to any other child. Although the bottles- this is a chore I have to do All. The. Time. 

C. Carrots. The safe vegetable. My eldest was an amazing eater but this all changed about 6 months ago when suddenly foods became yucky and the beige toddler pallet set in. Anything with a sauce on is 'dirty' and a once favourite meal such as shepherds pie falls into his category of 'Yuck' where he simply pushes away the plate and refuses to eat. Broccoli now tastes probably as it should, but carrots. They are the safe vegetable. Thank farmers for carrots. 

D. Dinosaurs. It's time to learn my dinosaurs. Recently I felt tremendous pride when the in-laws came down and zac picked up a dinosaur and correctly identified it as 'Triceratops' I had taught him that, I beamed. Then as soon as pride set in, it got flushed away with embarrassment as he picked up another and said 'Spikey' and they corrected him 'Stegarsaurus' That's right, I only know 2 dinosaurs. Triceratops and T- Rex. It's time I learnt my dinosaurs as a mum of boys. 

E. Edible. What is edible anyway? The kids must wonder this every single day because they are always testing it. Everything goes in the mouth. Summer is worrying as they venture in the great outdoors. It's ok when toys are involved, they just get chew marks but slugs, flowers, stones- these are a different matter. 

F. Friends. There is no better time to make friends then when you are a toddler. There is no fear of rejection, just fun to be had. Watch and feel proud as they make their army of fellow tots, then sob silently when you slowly realise they have more than you! 

G. Grandma. Grandmas are lovely aren't they? They are magic healers, like parents but without the discipline because let's face it- the tots can do no wrong in Grandmas eyes.

H. Happy; by Pharral Williams. Imagine listening to this song on repeat in the car, it makes you a little less happy after a while, but it definitely has a great effect on the kids. 

I. Ice cream. Only give to a toddler when feeling brave. Very very brave. It always amazes me when mine beg for an ice cream, then two seconds later beg for me to blow on it because it's just too cold, before abandoning it to make a gloopy mess. They do come back to it though, I should really learn from my mistakes. 

J. Journeys. Car journeys can be like Poker, you never know whether you will be dealt a good hand where you can make a nice peaceful journey, listen to your own music and get from A to B simply, without much fuss or trauma. Journeys with my eldest have very much always been the good kind. My youngest on the other hand, well lets just say I have been dealt the bad card far more than I should have. The screams are very loud and are enough to make your head pound and throb relentlessly, not to mention they are very off putting whilst driving and just as you think they are going to be quiet and fall asleep.… BAM they have caught their breath and are at it again. Any passing pedestrian would think they have been captured or worse, but nope you are just trying to get home. And also don’t ever introduce them to a childrens CD as you will soon learn you have to listen to that every single journey, in which incase Happy on repeat is the better option!

K. Kettle. Only put the kettle on if you are bored and want your children to disturb you, because this is the only outcome. Just as you fancy popping the kettle on for a nice cuppa, the children will sense your calm and come running in to tell you they need a nappy change/ they want food/ they’ve lost their toy/ their brother isn’t sharing. Optimistically, you think whatever task wont take very long so you continue to make your hot beverage, only for it to sit cold and lonely on the kitchen side.

L. Lies. Sometimes it's ok to tell lies, but never tell your child this. You need to be a hypocrite when it comes to this, all the best parents are. For example, "Mummy is going to clean the kitchen" LIE! Mummy is just going to sneak into the kitchen and shovel the last of the remaining Galaxy sharing bar into her mouth before the kids can even sense there is any left. Trust me, some lies are ok to tell because this is how we cope. Another example is when you tell your child their noisy annoying toy is broken, when really you just took the batteries out. 

M. Monsters. I once made a mistake regarding monsters. My eldest had mastered how to open the downstairs stair gate, so he opened it one evening to tell me he was going upstairs, as I was busy clearing up dinner I didn't want him unattended so I told him the monsters would get him. I know, this makes me a terrible terrible person but trust me I have been paying for this ever since. 

N. No. A word you will hear and say a million times before your child even reaches 2. 

O. Opportunies. Take any great opportunity when you can, as being a parent they are hard to come by. Even if it is just the opportunity for a shower/toilet trip in peace. Take it. 

P. Photographs. Taking photographs of your children never gets dull. Our babies are constantly changing and growing day to day. So what if this seems annoying to others?! They can carry on sending their FarmVille requests we ignore, we can carry on with the constant photo uploading.... 

Q. Quiet. Something so rare and hard to come by that when it does it really is too good to be true- no good can come of quiet when children are about, just sudocream covered objects and siblings, or children climbing in places they shouldn't be. 

R. Rusks. These are the tastiest baby snack ever. My children are both on 'normal' adult food now, but I still buy these in for me #guiltlessmummyconfession

S. Sleep. Or lack there of. Excuse me while I weep silent longing tears for my bed and my sleep. Those with babies who sleep through at 6 weeks will never understand the issues us sleep deprived parents face. Its a whole other issue this blog post could do without venturing into as it will set my rage and emotions off! 

T. TV. This can become your best friend in your hour of need, when you've had far too many coffees your eyes feel wired, when you simply don't have enough energy to make it through an active organised crafty day, it is there. CBeebies, Milkshake, Netflix and Tiny Pop- thank you. In particular, special mention goes out to Bing and In The Night Garden- making washing up possible. 

U. Us. You may be used to thinking about yourself, or you and your partner but once you start a family, your thinking has got to be for us, all of us. No more me, no more Ill just buy that pretty dress that has a whopping price tag, it's we need nappies. 

V. Vaccines. Watching your babies get their vaccines is torture and with each vaccine watching it unfold breaks. my. heart. I can not stress, however, how important these are. 

W. Weapons. It never fails to amaze me how children turn every day items into weapons. Its all harmless fun, until someone has to take it too far (usually the youngest). 

X. X-rated Words. As soon as your children start to talk, you need to watch how many F-bombs you drop because believe me, they pick it up and even know how to use it in context.

Y. Yours. Nothing is just yours anymore, you just have to learn to deal with this. Your chocolate bar, thats now been eaten by them. That eyeliner? Thats fun face paint for them! But sharing is caring and fun, right?! 

Z. Zzzzzz 

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